From all the Hindu myths we've absorbed over the years, we know that seekers of enlightenment tend to find it in moments of self-inflicted pain at high altitudes. That's why mine came when I was perched on six tortuous inches of extremely fashionable mock-snakeskin. From this pinnacle of achievement, I saw many things, eternal truths, the essential continuity of even the most overgrown paths and the fundamental stupidity of most things.
It was sparked by running into a college classmate. I haven't seen her since we moved on to different majors after two years in the same class. She belonged to a scary snob school circle that I wouldn't even consider breaching. Now she's just a person, while I... I was the intimidating one. I saw that in her eyes, recognised it because I know the feeling well. And I see clearly all the time wasted feeling inadequate, fat or defensive when I could have been making friends.
I see also that one of the reasons I left was to find out whether, in a place where I was not one rock star's sister and another's friend, I would still be invited to parties. I was. And they came in droves to my own, too. More time wasted on the wrong side of imaginary fences.
Best of all, I see that Bangalore was never really my city in that sense. I was on the fringe. So I'm not re-starting anything, merely starting something. That I can do. And since I spotted it early no time will be wasted trying to pick up the threads of a teenage life I thought I should have had. I am free.
Karma Chameleon, Culture Club, Album: Colour by Numbers, 1983
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